When a friend of mine dumped her boyfriend, she let him know via Facebook. Then there was the time I received the angry message from a friend who claimed I'd been flirting with her husband on Facebook. If you consider flirting writing "LOL" in response to his Facebook status, then yes, I guess. And everyone has the friend who posts constant Facebook updates about their barf-o-licious relationship. (My simple solution: UNFRIEND).

Facebook is a relational wild west, and it's time someone set down some rules.

1. Don't post relationship updates in your Facebook status.

If you wouldn't shout personal details about a relationship into a crowded room, then why are you shouting it to your 300+ friends, your nana and your boss on Facebook? Personal issues need to stay personal. It also keeps you out of hot water with your girlfriend or boyfriend, who may not want the personal details of your relationship on Facebook. And don't try to get around this rule by putting song lyrics or omitting the person's name in your Facebook status updates. There is no circumventing this rule! We all know what you meant about your relationship when you posted that line from the Taylor Swift song on Facebook and it makes us all feel awkward.

2. Do take a look at your Facebook profile page.

Get some perspective on your Facebook profile page. If every update and message is about your relationship, you need to stop. It's okay to be in love or excited about your relationship, in fact, we are excited for you, but we are your friends because we care about your whole life. Let us know how other things are going too.

3. Don't pressure your friends to friend your boyfriend. 

Your friends will be Facebook friends with your boyfriend or girlfriend after they meet him or her in person. Don't pressure them or send them a "suggested friend" message. Let them move at their own pace, and don't be upset if they don't friend your boyfriend or girlfriend right away. It's your relationship, not theirs. People add Facebook friends at their own pace.

4. Don't think status updates are about you.

If your boyfriend posts on Facebook that he is having a bad day or your girlfriend shares a funny story about a wedding, don't freak out. It may have nothing to do with your relationship. If you are concerned that they are sending you signals take the conversation off Facebook. The only thing worse than fighting with your girlfriend, is fighting with your girlfriend in front of 300+ other people, her ex, your boss and nana on Facebook.

5. Don't update your relationship status without consent.

Don't update your Facebook relationship status after you've had one date and definitely not before you've talked about it with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Not only is it risky (your friends will be talking about you if the relationship falls apart), but you need to be respectful of your new relationship and wait until your boyfriend/girlfriend is ready to make the relationship "Facebook official". Remember: It's more important that you make your relationship work by respecting your partner, than it is to advertize on Facebook that you are "in a relationship." Otherwise, you may quickly find yourself "single" again. This also goes for dumping. Don't dump someone via Facebook. That's what texting is for.

6. Do be friends with the ex.

Even though the relationship is over it's okay to be friends with your ex on Facebook. You want to silently Facebook stalk his new girlfriends; he is probably doing the same to you. Or maybe your relationship really is "just friends." But remember, this rule goes both ways. Just like you shouldn't start a relationship with someone and then demand that they cut off friendships, you cannot erase your partner's past by insisting that they unfriend their ex. Accept that they had relationships before you. Move on. And if you don't like his ex knowing your business, then don't post it all over your Facebook wall. (Tips for managing a Facebook friendship with your ex.)

7. Don't be upset with her for being friends with other guys.

Or vice versa. Most people are not BFF with all 500+ of their friends on Facebook, and so what if a few of your boyfriend's Facebook friends are girls. It is bound to happen. And even if they are posting comments all over his wall, that has nothing to do with your relationship. Now what he does with those contacts is a different story all together (see next point)..

8. Don't troll for dates while in a relationship

If you are still trolling for dates on Facebook while you are "in a relationship" that is not "virtual" cheating. It IS cheating and it's not okay.

9. Don't hack his account.

Hacking a Facebook account may seem like a good idea if you are in a relationship, but it never is. If you can't trust your boyfriend or girlfriend to the point where you have to dig around on their Facebook profile, then your relationship has bigger issues than anything you find on their account. After all, even if she does cheat on you, if you hack her Facebook account and hold it for ransom (like this guy), then you look like the jerk. 



10. Do send private messages. 

Sending personal messages via Facebook is a fun way to flirt with your boyfriend or girlfriend and is as valid a form of communication as sending an email. And it's a fun way to spice of your relationship. Just remember: Keep it private.



In the end, examine your motives. If you are commenting on his sister's Facebook status in order to get back at him for refusing to unfriend his ex, you are going to get yourself into trouble. When in doubt, take the conversation off-Facebook. After all, you don't want your ex to have the satisfaction of seeing your relational brouhaha unfold on Facebook. And if you don't want people judging your business, then don't post it in a place for them to judge.