Ok so hypothetically, “hypothetically” your fifteen year old daughter walks in and says “oh, by the way mom I got a tattoo”. What do you do? You obviously do not say “that’s nice dear, I was thinking of getting a Celtic butterfly on the shoulder myself. What did you get?”, you completely flip out.
You MUST remember your children or siblings (especially the teenage variety) are entitled to their opinions about everything, its ok to ADVICE them but imposing your opinions on them is not advisable. The only reason your daughter told you she got a tattoo, when she probably did not, is to see that look on your face (trust me-its priceless).
Now that you have that clear, let’s move on the next thing parents’ torture their children about: studying. “Make a timetable and manage your time properly, I want you to allot half an hour to each subject. If you get another C in algebra, that’s the last you’ll hear of your “social life”” does that sentence sound familiar? Well it should considering you have been using it on your children all their lives.
As a parent you have to make sure you do not force your child to study, children tend to do the exact opposite as a sign of retaliation. You must tell you teenager/s that it’s THEIR responsibility to study, since that’s the only thing that will improve their quality of life when they grow up. That is of course unless they end up marrying one of Bill Gates’ children. Every parent must give their children the independence to choose what career they want to take up. Again ADVICE and do not IMPOSE. Let your children figure out for themselves what they are good at and what they enjoy. Because at the end of the day that is what matters right?
Is your seventeen year old son having disciplinary problems? Being less involved in family activities? Hanging out with new friends? Having a sudden need for money? Suffering from hyperactivity, drowsiness, forgetfulness, depression or moodiness? If any one of your teenagers is exhibiting a few of the above symptoms it’s because they are doing drugs. It may come as a shock at first, your little Ali fueling up on cocaine and marijuana? Impossible, but it is probably true. As a parent your first instinct will be to confront your child. It’s best if you leave that for later. Try to think what could be the reason your child is doping. In most cases it’s either a way to cope with school or family related stress or peer pressure.
You need to have a talk with your child, who will obviously deny it. Tell your child you love him or her and want to help them live a healthy and long life. It may take some convincing, but they will agree to get some help eventually.
Now hypothetically your sixteen year old told you she was going to spend the night at a friend’s, you call her friends mother to remind her little Shehrbano is allergic to wheat, when you are told your little princess is not spending the night. You go into your daughter’s room and find the Atif Aslam concert ticket lying on her bedside earlier this evening is missing. How do you react when she walks in next morning telling you how fun last night was and how she gave her friend a French manicure? You completely flip out.
You should sit your daughter down and talk to her. Tell her that you know she was not sleeping over at her friends last night and instead had gone to the concert. Make sure you do not lecture too much about disobedient little children who are fed to the fire breathing dragon when they do not listen to their parents. That is because somewhere in the middle we stop listening to what you are saying and start thinking about what we will wear to the school’s bonfire night tomorrow. And do not even THINK of grounding us because if your daughter is capable of sneaking out of the house to attend a concert then she is very much capable of sneaking out to the Bonfire. Just tell your daughter you are disappointed in her and give her “the” silent treatment (not that it works or anything because a normal human being tends to become a little thick in the head the day he or she turns thirteen, but it satisfies you).
Now let’s move to the most important issue: respecting your children’s right to privacy. If you do not want your child to say “knock much?” or something equally witty (in a sarcastic way of course) next time you barge into their rooms then PLEASE for the love of GOD bother to knock. I cannot stress on this point enough. The need for privacy and “me time” grows as your child grows up.
And before I forget- NEVER, I repeat, NEVER ask you child what Limp Bizkit or Iron Maiden or Metallica or something equally ridiculous is. And learn to respect your children’s choice in music. Never call whatever they listen to “noise pollution”, oh, and also try to refrain from wincing when seventeen year old comes up excitedly to you and asks you listen to his version of Master of Puppets by Metallica.
Driving is also another common issue that often sparks fights between parents and children. The best way to deal with this is from the day your child turns thirteen, tell them each F they get in a particular subject they are weak in, will add a year to the time till they have their own car. And as far as letting children take the car out because they need to “run errands” without adult supervision is concerned-draw a line. The safety of your children is more important than their new ability to sit in the driver’s seat is.
Every teenager wants to spend as much time as possible with his or her friends. But how often should a child be allowed to go out in a week? The answer is whatever the parents think is appropriate, but everybody deserves to go out on Friday nights now don’t they? Anyway, every parent should be aware of exactly WHOM their children are “socializing” with and where they are going. Of the parents do not have an issue with either of these things (and their teenagers make it home by their curfew), going out every weekend should not be too much of an issue.
Oh and every parent should get their children a credit card on their thirteenth birthday- and of course increase the limit by 10% each year. Because sometimes one needs cash and it is kind of hard to go around begging for it. But again, be aware of where the money is being spent, you wouldn’t want the card being used to buy marijuana and pot, not that dealers accept credit cards or anything, but still.
Now let’s hope you all raise children that are aware of their environment, civilized, have successful careers and become good parents in the future. Yeah right! Snort.